Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 3 Worst

Welcome back to the countdown, as we are now closing in my top ten worst movies of the decade.

The #3 worst movie of the decade:
Alone In The Dark (2005)

If you're a true movie geek, then you would know the notorious Uwe Boll. Known for bast*rdizing every video game adaptation he touches, he strikes fear in every gamer when he plans to take hold of a video game everyone loves and cherish and turns it into a hideous deformed monster. Not even the critics are safe as he challenges each one to a boxing match and beats them to a pulp. And he was that close to making a Metal Gear Solid movie, which will bring the entire world in hell fire by angry gamers if it came to fruition. Already he brought down three reputable video game franchises down to the crappy bottom and one that can't never redeem itself is Alone In The Dark.

Just thinking that having well-known washed up celebrities like Christian Slater and Tara Reid will make this film a guarantee hit is just hurt you so bad. You'll know you'll be in for such a disastrous ride when you are treated to a 5 MINUTE scrolling-text narration outlining the entire background story and some other bullsh*t. One of the trademarks of a Uwe Boll is the faithfulness his films are to the video game franchise he's portraying: just slap the name of video game character and make up his own sh*t. From video game knowledge, Edward Carnby is an investigator who explores dark and supernatural places alone. According to Uwe Boll, Edward investigates monsters with a whole army of SWAT soldiers in broad daylight. Most of the lead actors, most noticeably Christian Slater, look so miserable and tired as though they have witnessed their career withering out of existence. If you're watching with a group, you can play a very dangerous drinking game as you can take a swig upon numerous things like the many times a person crash through a glass window or the many times Christian spouts boring and droning monologues or the many times Tara Reid pretends to be smart. Really Uwe Boll is making sh*t up as he goes, not caring about the original source he's supposed to respect. This film marks the infamous reputation of the most retarded director. Not to mention the CG animation are just laughable and the action sequences are just... plain dumb.

His other movies like House of the Dead and Bloodrayne still proved to be mind-draining craps, but Alone In The Dark takes the cake as the worst. And if Uwe Boll decides to hunt me down just to challenge me for a boxing match just because I hurt his film ego, I'll be ready for him. Uwe Boll, you assh*le...

Oh by the way, there is a sequel to this crap. Not only there is a sequel by Uwe Boll, but Edward Carnby is asian in this movie.... WTF!!!

Tomorrow, I will reveal #2 worst movie of the 00s. This was gonna be #2 until this movie came along...