My Top Ten: The BIG List Of 2009

Its that time of the month where I give my Top Ten on ANYTHING!

Well I already gave you the BIG list of the best and worst films of the decade, but I'm NOT yet done :P. Only this time, I'll be giving you the worst, honorable mentions and the best of 2009.
So what are we waiting for? Lets get on with it.

The WORST of '09

10.
BRÜNO

Now I have to be honest - I loved Borat and still do and in this film, there were a FEW funny moments in it. But in the end, I felt I found the film more disgusting than funny. And I wouldn't want to watch it over and over again like I would to Borat. Which is too bad because I really enjoy these kinds of movies.

9.
OBSESSED

These people are right. People kept telling me this is a hilariously bad film and IT IS. I mean from the whole soap-opera over acting to the cliche dominating female and p*ssyfying male roles, this film was much more hilarious than Lakeview Terrance. It really tries to be serious, but it fails to do so.

8.
THE PINK PANTHER 2



Steve Martin, doing a very VERY bad impression of a French-man and tarnishing the once memorable performance of Peter Seller's.... AGAIN... Need I need to say more?

7.
YEAR ONE

You would think a movie about cavemen by the Judd Apatow crew would become an instant funny movie. Unfortunately this is not the case. Other Apatow movies this year proved to be great, but this one not so much. And you would think having the comedy chemistry team of Jack Black and Michael Cera would be gold. But it wasn't. Almost all the jokes are not funny and it was really boring.

6.
X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE

You know, I kinda gave up on any movies that has anything to do with X-Men. Granted I found the third film an OK film, I lost interest in the entire series. And this film did nothing to revive my interest. Even including my favorite X-Men character, Gambit, who was given such lame treatment in the film. In fact, most of the characters were given very lame treatments as they weren't faithful or given such less screen time.

5.
LAND OF THE LOST

In the end I would have to say "Poor Will Ferrell". I mean I really do believe he's a good actor. He was one of my favorite SNL members and he was actually good in a dramatic role when he was in Stranger Than Fiction. Just these bad movie choices he makes. I really do see the potential this film had, having a very imaginative world with the comedy of Will Ferrell. Yet that engaged very poorly.

4.
STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI

You knew that the 1994 Street Fighter movie was pretty crappy, so there was NO way to f*ck up another Street Fighter movie. But in fact, they did it AGAIN. Sure enough, there are alot of video game franchises that have potential to be good movies, but this one isn't. Leave Street Fighter the f*ck alone! In fact, this is MUCH worse than the earlier version as it tries to take a MUCH serious tone. You have a stupid story, incredibly-bad acting and some of the most lamest fighting sequences you'll ever see.

3.
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON

Well hey, I watch bad movies because I'm a movie lover. I can watch any kind of movies whether it is good, bad or complete mental-draining. For this case, it is the latter. I mean I figured it would be as bad as the first one. But this one is SO MUCH WORSE. And it gets you thinking how could ANYONE (especially girls) like this film and fall gaga over its romance. All I got from it were just stares and dead airs. I mean jeez, that Bella girl really gets you on your nerve and she supposed to be the "all-time real" girl.

2.
DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION

Making a movie out of this franchise (especially a foreign-country franchise) was a BAD idea from the very beginning. I mean didn't they get a VERY good look at the Dragonball series? How lucrative and insanely-weird the shows are, making it hard to be faithful for the fanbase and yet it turns off most of the newcomers? Especially when the series has SO much Japanese and Asian cultures/mythologies that the casual Americans will not identify. Everything about this movie is ranged from laughable to completely embarrassing, from Justin Chatwin trying to portray as the super poweful Goku to James Marsters looking entirely stupid as Piccolo. And Chow Yun Fat... WHY?! You're the muthaf*ckin coolest Asian ever! How could you do this?.... On the flipside, that girl who played Chi-Chi, Jaime Chung.... she's hot..

1.
TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

This is the movie that made me, in the end, SO PISSED OFF. How is the worst film I have seen of 2009? Considered the scale of this film from any other films I put on the top ten worst. Bigger in scale means its a big pile of sh*t. Put into the factor that this was given $200 Million to make while Michael Bay was given $70 Million. All spent to make THIS?! What a f*ckin waste of money! That money could have been used to feed poor people or build shelters and schools. Instead this was made to build a machine to generate and produce the biggest stinkin pile of crap only to satisfy all of the fratboys jocks in the world. I already gave so much length into why this is a big pile of crap, so I'll summarize in a list:

dumb story
awful/annoying characters
terrible writing
action sequences that all shows big pile of dirt (one was actually good)
pot-brownie-eating moms
robots with fart and piss jokes
not one, not two, but THREE shots of dogs humping
so many explosions, not many Transformers
Michael Bay's orgasmic montage of military stuff
F*CKIN INSULTING GHETTO BOTS
John Turturro's G-String ass
giant wrecking ball TESTICLES
and for a movie that is called TRANSFORMERS, it sure isn't about them.

And all this packaged as an anticipated giant summer mainstream blockbuster. Worst film of 2009, I rest my case.


Now lets get out the bad stuffs out of the way and get in some good stuffs. But first the honorable and dishonorable mentions...


Honorable Mentions

ZOMBIELAND
I love this movie so much and I really would have loved it even more... if it was a little bit longer. Sorry guys, but thats just me. The movie is really awesome by the way.

I LOVE YOU, MAN
The Apatow crew have had a solid with good films and not-so-good films. But this is one of the good ones. This film is so funny. And I really prefer this over this next one I'm about to mention...

FUNNY PEOPLE
Judd Apatow take on a different tone as he shows a pretty dark side of comedian celebrity. And Sandler was pretty impressive.

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALL
This is such a HUGE surprise. I didn't expect it to be such a funny and awesome film with great characters and hilarious writing and jokes. And for me, it is THAT close to be in the top ten list. But if there was a top 20, this would be #11.

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
As a fan of the series, the movie adaptations continues to be faithful and intriguing. Who's excited for the final chapter of this series?

TOKYO!
Three exceptionally talented directors (including one of my favorites Michel Gondry), gets a culture clash with three thoughtful and visually-wild tales based on the city of Tokyo.


Dishonorable Mentions

WATCHMEN
Other than having one of the most beautiful opening credits I have ever seen, it was an average movie. The story had less philosophy than it had in the graphic novels and some of the performances and soundtrack were hit and miss.

PONYO
Dude, Hayao Miyazaki is one of my fricken idols and some of my most favorite movies of all times are some of his. Yet I didn't find that same magic he once possessed in this. The animation are so wild and experimental, but there wasn't much going for it.

INGLORIOUS BASTERDS
Tarantino is ALSO one of my idols and his latest film was an improvement from the crappy Death Proof. Even with the deliciously-evil role of "The Jew Hunter" and that huge ending, it didn't have much going for and the writing kinda dragged on. Damns these idols are letting me down...

G.I JOE: RISE OF COBRA
This film didn't turned out to be as bad as I thought it would be. I mean sure the whole thing is stupid, but it was fun.

9
I really was looking forward to this film, considering how its visuals and animation looked so unique. Yet it disappointed me on the potential it could have.

AVATAR
Say what you will about its technical achievements, its lack in story, characters, writing and developments made this a beautiful, yet hollow and forgettable film.



Now on to the films that made 2009 indeed special...

The BEST of '09

10.
THE HANGOVER

It is one of the most funniest films of the last year. The concept and premise may sound pretty basic on paper, but it so worked in the end. I'll say that it is slow in the beginning and it is getting used to with the characters, but everything becomes random and funny as the trio goes further and further. And it is unpredictable, you can't whats gonna happen. Sure enough it did have some crude humor, but it is to the minimum. And who doesn't love Alan, would certainly love to be part of his wolf pack...

9.
STAR TREK

Can you believe that this has the same writers of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? Hard to believe isn't it? Maybe because its directed by J.J Abrams. And what follows is a very faithful and much needed freshness for the already classic sci-fi series. While the utilization of alternate universe/timeline may be a cop-out to some, it is, to most, a clever way to bring out new and fresh stories for the series while not ruining the original canon timeline. Think of it as the Ultimate universe or the Earth 2 of the Star Trek series. I mean, wow, Star Trek have finally kicked Star Wars in the ass. That's how you make a prequel, Lucas.

8.
DRAG ME TO HELL

Sam Raimi comes back to school everyone on how to make a genuine scary movie. To some people, they'll be turned off by the inclusion of comedy. But that is for the people who don't know Sam Raimi. This is a thrilling, heart-pounding and horrifying ride that will make you laugh so hard and frozen in fear as you ride all the way from Hell and back. Especially for the ending, while a tad bit predictable, will give you the biggest mental WTF and leave you chill to the core.

7.
SHERLOCK HOLMES



This one also really surprised me. By the trailer, you would think it will lose everything that has to do with Sherlock Holmes and just be an action blockbuster. But it totally didn't. It is everything about Sherlock Holmes as you can get with a little modernizing pumping. Like what you see in anything Holmes, he is an assh*le that just "pwns" your ass with his brilliance, intricacy and utter intelligence. Not to mention his asskicking. And including his bro, Dr. Watson, who thankfully isn't a fat bumbling assistant, but a more resourceful and stronger partner who thinks on his own. And like anything Holmes, it is not an action movie, but a downright mystery detective story where everything you see is weird and confusing in the beginning and everything is explained perfectly in the end. This movie is, like the mind of Holmes himself, utterly brilliant.

6.
CRANK 2: HIGH VOLTAGE

This film gets a giant stack of MUTHAF*CKIN HELL YEAHS! Right from the beginning when our hero survives a 2,000 feet fall from the sky, the film becomes its very own thing and grows out its own mind and balls. Some films want you to apply logic and other films wants you to have less logic to suspend your belief. This film literally says "F*CK YOUR LOGIC! THIS IS F*CKIN OURS!". Because really are you gonna make sense of a guy running through the city with an mechanical heart looking for his real heart while encountering Asian gangs, Mexicans gangs, strippers with guns, trannies with guns etc. One thing it guarantees is that you'll have a F*CKIN GOOD time and it F*CKIN did.

Note: Now I kinda need to put this in. Because people will be asking: "If you love a movie that had no logic like Crank 2, then how come you hate Transformers 2 where it doesn't have any logic at all?" I will answer in 2 points.

1.) Because unlike Transformers 2, Crank 2 really did give us something new and unique as it was an adrenaline and experimental experience with its unique and unorthodox cinematography and editing methods. While the story is simple, you have alot of great performances from most of the cast, asskicking action and many random and f*ckin funny moments. Not to mention the awesome soundtrack of Mike Patton.

And 2.) Michael Bay is a d*uchebag

5.
THE HURT LOCKER

Dear God, this movie was suspenseful. This is an insight on a man, chose to work in an dangerous environment that could spell death to him any time: a bomb dis-armer. Two soldiers follows a newly-employer bomb expert, as his reckless and daring practice brings them so much in danger than usual. In exercise where anything can be a bomb and anyone can be the enemy. Not only that but it portrays war and their working environment as a breaking/adrenaline point for these soldiers. This movie is so intense.

4.
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

A lot of people are split with this film. Some people think it is not faithful to the children's book and a very much darker for what it is. Some think (like me) that it is indeed faithful or much better than the book and praised it for going in a very different direction. I get this film and if people didn't, its not their fault. This is not a children's movie, but a movie about childhood. How wonderful and messed-up it is. How it is a little better than the children's book that you do sensed more morality and maturity, that Max does get off the island a little more grown up. Plus the CG effects is probably, to me, the best I have seen in the year. You heard me!

3.
DISTRICT 9

Believe what most people say about this movie. It is that GOOD. It has that great blend of sci-fi mystery, huge action blockbusters and current social commentary. It also has that mixture of many cinema narrative like documentary, cinema verite and standard blockbusters. Unlike that other sci-fi that tries to have social commentary (ok, I'll get this out of the way... I'm comparing this to Avatar! Happy?), it is an subtle observing look with a "what if" scenario and shows you both sides on all characters: the government, the prawns, the Nigerians etc without being one-sided and damn preachy. But after a long time looking at the state of humanity, it completes the package with giant blockbuster action. And god, it kicked ass!

2.
(500) DAYS OF SUMMER

This movie gets a much higher praise because this is a very personal movie. If you understand what I mean, then you know how much this movie really appeals to me. This couldn't have come in a much needed time as it is a pretty important movie. Much like the forthcoming #1 movie of the year, everyone will be going through someone like this or have gone through something like this in their lifetime and anyone can identify with. This is not at all a romantic movie, but a very hard lesson on love. That it'll show you that love will sting you like a bast*rd and at least you'll be prepared for it. Smart, adorable and cute, but totally heart-breaking.

1.
UP

What can I say? Pixar did it again. Maybe this year, Pixar won't be in the number one spot again... maybe... For now, this film still has that magic and wonder. It is the same tradition formula for Pixar, layering that child-like imagination and fantasy around the grounded mature aspects and issues. The advantage of this film is that due the deep messages and life-lessons, its initial concept makes any forthcoming imaginatives ideas very believable. I mean if you're gonna believe that a house tied to thousands of balloons can fly, then there is no problem for anyone to believe in talking dogs, exotic animals and even talking dogs that flys planes. The great thing about this film is that it uses both emotions - humor and sadness to the full extent. You will be laughing so hard at every joke each character brings, from the bird named Kevin to that LOVABLE dog named Dug. But not only you'll laugh, you will indeed cry at three points in the movie. That four-minute montage sequence chronicling the married of life of Carl and Ellie, is one of most BEAUTIFUL and EMOTIONAL things you will ever see. Detailing everything from their happy times, to their hard times to the point when Carl's beloved wife passed away and left him a cold, bitter old man - all without dialogue. That is the brilliance of Pixar.

So thats my Top 10. What's your opinion?