Vampires Suck Full Review

Oh Dead Lord...

(If you ask me how I saw the movie, I downloaded it off the net. I didn't spend any money on this travesty of the film.)



I really don't know what possess me to do this. What makes me go in and watch really bad movies. I have checked out Troll 2, Bratz, freakin Twilight movies and even (God forbid) Disaster Movie. Maybe by watching these bad movies would give me some sense of accomplishment and credibility, which later question myself: is it worth it anymore? Am I getting tired of sacrificing my brain cells every time a crappy movie pops up on the horizon? Does it give me a sense of adventure and danger whenever I gave my eyes upon it? This movie challenges my perception. Now honestly when I heard that these two idiots had a new movie called Vampires Suck, I was about to get my guns out and go on a blind murderous rampage. But I refrained myself because I got into so much trouble from the last time I did that for Disaster Movie. And low and behold...



This movie COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY sucks...



I still ended up with the biggest migraine after watching this movie. But I will say this though... it is LESS painful than their f*cker-piece, Disaster Movie. Which doesn't mean much. Its like saying "I will only make you bleed out 60% of your blood instead of 100%", you'll still lose blood. It is appreciative that they cut a tiny bit of the pop culture references, but it is still infuriating every time the movie puts one of those. Again there was no f*ckin point, setup or reason every time they bring up something pop culture. Its just f*ckin insulting. The actors are just mimicking the acting style of their characters from the Twilight movies, but for the impersonators who impersonates the celebrities, they did an awful job. Whats worse than Lady Gaga is a crappy Lady Gaga impersonator. The writing is standard Friedberg-Seltzer piss-poor style, considering that it took TWO MONTHS to write a f*ckin script. Wouldn't be surprise if it took them two weeks! Its less crappy though, but its still crap. You know what? Don't bother! This kind of movie is a waste of space and should be completely ignored. I took the bullet to see this to tell you guys and your friends to not see this movie.

GAAAHHH!!!!

Now I'm going into..



(RANT MODE!)



AND you know what is so scary in this day and age? People going to see this more than Scott Pilgrim or The Expendables. That is right, the day where I have been reconfirmed that the majority of young society are run by complete and utter MORONS. And right now, I'm going into a rant... I know YOU people wants some laugh and there is nothing wrong with having a cheap laugh, but if you want some cheap laughs, go to Youtube! F*ckin hell, that is f*ckin FREE and you can find SO MANY Twilight parodies that are MUCH better, rather than paying freakin money to see this crap! If you, like me, hate those Twilight movies, be F*CKIN SMART and don't f*ckin see this movie! In the times where daughters of famous and respectable Hollywood movie stars becomes porn stars because so they can be "famous" (Laurence, I'm sorry, but your daughter is unbelievably retarded... who is kinda hot), it is no wonder society is dumbing down where KIDS don't appreciate the sense of hard work and creativity. Icons like Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and Michael Bay have gotten where they are by taking the easy way and I'm so pissed off at them because there are creative, talented and hard working people that only gone halfway to where these IDIOTS are. Now you have the generation of young people favoring the lazy and moronic while something that was done with so much hard work, creativity, thought and care like Scott Pilgrim have been thrown aside. If that's what the world is heading, I SO do hope a meteor comes down and destroy the world really early because I wouldn't care anymore. The only reason why I don't feel like having a meteor destroying the world right now is that at least smart and creative films like Toy Story 3 and Inception are performing very well. But if you are one of those people, even IF you're my friend that is keeping the most retarded filmmakers in the film industry by going and giving money to see this pile of crap, then promise me NEVER to have children. Seriously...



In the f*ckin end, I will say: F*CK YOU, JASON FRIEDBERG! F*CK YOU, AARON SELTZER! F*CK THIS MOVIE! F*CK THE PEOPLE WHO LIKED THIS! I WISH I COULD WIPE THAT IMMATURE DOUCHEBAG SMUG OFF YOUR FACE! F*CK YOU JASON AND AARON AND I HOPE YOU DIE!



Ehem... in other words, please don't see this movie...





GTFO out of 5 stars

DIE MUTHERF*CAKAS!!!