What did I say about the first live-action Transformers film? It sucked. No matter how much I run into this film by accident, it is still a lame movie. But at least, it was..... tolerable. It was, in a way, kinda fun and had some nice action moments in it. There are problems that got on my nerves, but it ended up... still being a suckfest.... But it was fun. For the next movie (since its now branded as a cash cow), it wouldn't be a great movie, but still on the same average level the first film was...
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen....... gah...... infuriates me to the point where I wanted to commit mass murder on the people involved in this PIECE.... OF... SH*T!
This film SSSSSSUCKS so so soooooooo hard, it is a crime against humanity. A crime Michael "D*uchebag" Bay had gotten away with. This next chapter in the Transformers series is bigger. Bigger in scale, bigger in length, bigger in production, bigger in the mass of the giant turd dumped by Michael Bay himself. An excuse by some majority aka "rednecks and fratboys' would say that "This isn't suppose to be Oscar-Winning film. Its f*ckin Transformers". They're right! I don't want it to be a complex dramatic opus, I wanted a good and enjoyable film about those giant robots. This movie is beyond irritable, beyond egotistical and beyond idiotic.
I'm Optimus Prime, BIATCH!
Despite its epic scale, the plot/narrative is a tiresome, yet muddlesome reharsh from the first film: Autobots must find this item before Decepticons does. I'm trying to get this story right because really, the story doesn't make any sense. Autobots are still fighting Decepticons; Sam Witwicky goes to college, but is electrocuted by the piece of the Allspark; he's sees signs and symbols; Autobots have been ordered by the government to leave Earth; Decepticons ressurect Megatron; Sam and his girlfriend have a long distance relationship; there's a Transformer posing as a chick; The Decepticons are actually following this superior bad robot - The Fallen; there's a huge fight.... yeah you can tell the writers and Michael Bay don't even give a f*ck about the plot. There are so many storylines going on, but they aren't smooth or organic to flow well with the narrative and they are just mashed up like a turd sandwich, leaving a HUGE vacancy for ridiculous plotholes and unresolvment areas. Its an uncaring move for the writers that happens in most Michael Bay's films and thus the main focus follows these items: ass, balls and explosions.
The same problems that were brought up from the first Transformers film are magnified by a thousand in this film. As if Michael Bay is the only one on EARTH that finds these things humorous or good filmmaking. We are still stuck with those annoying human characters and we are introduced to MORE annoying human characters that don't serve any good purpose than to fart, show ass and talk faster than an F1 car. I mean, this film is called "TRANSFORMERS", not "Humans that happens to be associated with TRANSFORMERS". There are scenes in this movie where I thought I was watching an unfunny college movie filled with hot chicks, pot-highed mothers and dogs humping each other until Michael Bay realized "Um hey, aren't we making a Transformers movie?" and suddenly goes back to Transformers. It is a whole muddle mess of an action, college, archaeology exploration and sci-fi genres that isn't a smooth sailing from the beginning to ESPECIALLY the end. I can feel the writers didn't know what to do with the ending and it became so rushed, anticlimatic and just lame.
If Jar Jar Binks was a robot... and there's two of them!
None of the characters are that likable or remotely interesting, humans or even the Transformers. Especially when the Transformers should be the main focal point, they have a fair share of problems. Bigger in scale, the film introduces to more Transformers robots. But since the human characters are "incoherantly" leading the narrative, the Transformers are placed in the background with not enough introduction or screentime to get to know who they are and only to provide big explosions. Plus the designs of Transformers are still ugly, bland and indistinguishable only to be sharing the same color schemes and sizes where, in an action scene, you don't even know which is which. Thus the film only allow more screentimes for these following Transformers: Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and those two stupid ignorant Ghetto Autobots, Mudflaps and Skids. Now let me rant about this:
REAAAAALLY Michael Bay! What in God's mind were you thinking about having those two f*ckin abominations of a CG character design in a f*ckin Transformers movie? I wouldn't say its racist, but its downright ignorant and unfunny. What is your f*ckin point in their involvement in this movie? To provide f*ckin comedic relief? Be f*ckin smart about this! Because REEAAALLLYY what in God's mind do you find being ghetto and gangsta funny? I nearly wanted to choke someone after one of them said that he can't read! ... DO YOU F*CKIN KNOW HOW STUPID THAT SOUNDS?! Not only it is offensive to black people, it doesn't make f*ckin sense! Its already established that the Transformers are highly intelligent with super-advanced technology! Why the hell are there two f*ckin Transformers that look like an offensive caricature of a black man, down to the gold tooth, speaking in wiggerish slangs and proclaiming they can't f*ckin read?! REAALLLY Michael Bay, you ARE... A... F*CKIN... D*UCHE!
Plus in addition to Michael Bay's d*uchebaggery, you have a Transformer posing a hot chick. Not only it is an excuse to show a hot chick's ass, but the concept is so out of place and her involvement in the movie is just a total waste. You can remove her character from the film and it won't matter anyway. Like the two Ghetto bots, she and some characters felt unneeded and unnecessary and they do much bad for the film.
Really.. they should call this movie "Explosions".
Is there any good thing about this film? I can say the action sequences is bigger, but certainly not creative or entirely new. Most I see in all of the action sequences are just explosions. They're pretty to look at, but thats all you get. And I see more explosions than I see more of Transformers. I see more humans running from explosions. I see more explosions covering up the Transformers as if the explosions wanted to be the main stars of the film. I had little fun watching the robot fight/action sequences and they are interesting at times. But these action sequences were repetitive, dull and handled very poorly (too close, too shakey, too indistinguishable).
Should I excuse this movie for being a "summer" movie? Well looking at how last year's biggest summer movie, The Dark Knight performed, I don't see this as an excuse. I'll probably sum up this movie with one word - egotistical. From the look of this movie, it seems that Michael Bay is trying to show his balls to the audiences. Metaphorically and literally. Posted right there in your face with a transparent shot of the American flag. And it gives me a clear message - he is a f*ckin d*uche. And with him making tons of money makes him even bigger of a d*uche. Like all of his movies if you want, but you really have to know in your mind.... he's a f*ckin d*uche.
1.5 out of 5 stars
....F*ckin D*uche!
