Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 8 Worst

Welcome back to the countdown, continuing at the top ten worst movies of the decade.

The #8 worst movie of the decade:
Snakes On a Plane (2006)

If you were the head of the marketing department, how would you market a movie with a gold concept of a plane.... filled it with snakes? Mega-hype it on the Internet and show a clip of Samuel "Muthaf*ckin" Jackson tells how he feels having snakes on a plane. Since its concept were brought up onto the limelight of the Internet, it seems that everyone became crazy over a concept that as simple as that. Were we promised somet kickass and fun time like what the producers hyped up? Yeah. And what did it delivered? Total lameness and one boobage.

I like bad movies when they are fun and enjoyable, but this has the making of a fun bad movie and yet I never enjoyed it. And really, the one thing that brought down the movie was the concept that drove the hype itself. Its like they wrote nouns and words on many pieces of paper, put them all in a hat and pull out the two to make that significant concept. Yet they even bothered to give a reasonable motive and background around this concept. Seriously the bad guys want to pull a hit on a federal-protected witness. So instead doing it clean and untraceable like sending someone to kill, they have to make this kill completely messy and noisy. Once the gimmick set out, it just fades away so quickly like any other gimmick and we are forced to see annoying and unlikable characters deal with this mess. The film's concept tried to have some fun ideas, but they are all seem predictable and just lame. I mean snake bites penis and snake bites nipples and snake bites fat women, these writers have a mind of a 8 year old. And at the end, we are treated to a cliched ending and a way cliched music video.

It would have done its part by just having a straight-to-DVD treatment, but no. People were so hyped for this film and its simple, yet ridiculous concept and all felt completely rip off, for a concept unworthy of a hype. You let us down snakes!

Tomorrow, I will reveal #7 worst movie of the 00s. What will it be....

Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 9 Worst

Welcome back to the countdown, initially at the top ten worst movies of the decade.

The #9 worst movie of the decade:
Catwoman (2004)

Why would a measly little sh*tty superhero movie like this be considered to be one of the top ten worst films of the decade? Not only its a complete crapfest, it is also hazardous to your health. Seriously if you are thinking of watching Catwoman, you better take caution and have your doctor on speed dial. While other bad movies hurts the brain and the eyes, this one REALLY damages your eyes as the film's camera is filled up on LCD and takes thousands of shots at every angle at non-stop dizzying nauseous heights. About half-way though, I couldn't take it anymore because my eyes (honest be told) were in excruciating pain and I couldn't take one sitting for this film. I had to finish the film three days later after an intense resting. Good thing I watched this on a small screen because if it was a big screen, I'll lose my f*ckin mind.

Even though Batman is the king of all superheroes in print and film, he still have to live with the painful memories of its dark stains: Batman Forever and Batman And Robin and now this has to be added to the pile. Catwoman is one of everybody's favorite Batman villains/anti-hero and one of the sexiest femme fatales in the Batman franchise next to Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. And really it is not at all hard to actually make a solo Catwoman movie that is not canon with the Batman series or doesn't even mention Batman, but somehow they managed to f*ck that up. Right after Halle Berry showed off her sexy body in Swordfish and won an Oscar for Monster's Ball, she became a hot item for Hollywood and so it was logic by the producers that she would be cast as the title character. However this would be the beginning of her seemingly-endless strings of crap, starting with this one. Her portrayal was somehow unlikable in both the before and after transformation. Her true identity was way wimpier than of Michelle Pfeiffer's, while her costumed ego lacked the ferociousness and power that was greatly portrayed... again by Michelle Pfeiffer's. Not to mention the villain she's fighting is a bad example of every vainful milfs in the world... played by.... ugghh Sharon Stone. I mean what has happened to her? She was Mrs. Legs Wide Open and now landed herself in crap pile like this. Her next crap is being Mrs. Legs Wide Open again.

The film tries so hard to be edgy, cool and in-your-face with its action sequences and fancy editing, only to be gravely backfired as they became bland and painful. Its special effects and CG animations has got to be one of the most horrendous, cheap and actually funniest I have seen in a big-budget comic book movie. Its funny and ironic that she received an Oscar for Best Actress one year and the next she received a Razzie for Worst Actress. Though she was a good sport about this. There is nothing to be happy about being part of this pathetic excuse of a super-hero movie.

Tomorrow, I will reveal #8 worst movie of the 00s. What will it be....

Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 10 Worst

Time flows by very fast. We are at December of 2009 and we are nearly at the end of the decade. What a decade has it been. We started off worrying about the end of civilization with the Millennium prophecy only to end up worrying about the 2012 prophecy. In turn we have movies that were more of sequels, remakes, adaptations and reboots. Some turn out for the best and some were just plain sh*t. But it wasn't all about that as there were plenty of fresh and original works to be projected on to the big screen.

So for each day, I will be counting down starting from the number 10 worst to the number 1 worst of the decade to the number 10 best to the number 1 best of the decade. Some may surprise you and some may not, but keep in mine they are according to my opinions and my experiences. This is not the ultimate end-of-all list, this is just the best and worst according to me. Your opinions and comments are welcome.

So lets start with the WORST list. Before we start off, here are the honorable mentions for the Worst of the Decade 00s:

Battlefield Earth
Basic Instinct 2
The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas
I Know Who Killed Me
Malibu's Most Wanted
Gigli
Son of the Mask
The Wicker Man (Didn't make it because it was too funny)
Norbit
The Hottie And The Nottie
Moulin Rogue (And I stand what I think of that piece of crap)
Planet of the Apes
And many more I forgot to mention

And so....

The #10 worst movie of the decade:
Twilight (2008)

Whether side you're on, it has created such a frenzy phenomenon of crazed fans and angry fans debating what is considered good movie taste and mediocrity. No doubt that it does send a bad message to its audience about love, women and relationship and for the non-Twilight fans who were curious about the series were forced to endure the never-ending staring, pausing and glaring of every character. For most, they are not sure why Edward Cullen is such a handsome stud of a character and why Bella should be the ideal woman every man should date.

Probably the major flaw with the film is the inclusion of the vampire/werewolves mythos. It seem pointless and unnecessary to even hint once that these dark and mysterious brooding creatures are vampires. If these creatures were entirely new and different, it would have been to the author's credit of her creativity and imagination. But no, Meyers just have to present and reinterpret vampires without even a slight of passion for the mythos. It is one thing to re-imagine vampires or werewolves, but not honoring the mythos is a whole different thing. And since 90% of everyone depends on the traditional mythos, it will leave a bad taste in mouth for most. Not to mention it pissed me off so much of how Edward is such the ideal man for girls. The fact he's fast, strong, handsome, sparkles like diamonds and f*ckin plays the piano.... its a kick in the balls for every man. The story is boring and dull, the characters are not even likable and as an extra, it humiliates the genre monsters we all grew up on.

The sequel and its upcoming films may be worse than this, but this is the start of mediocre sh*t. Be glad that this is not actually number 1 because I have seen A LOT worse than this. However this is to me so deserving a spot on the top ten of worst movies of the decade.

Tomorrow, I will reveal #9 worst movie of the 00s. What will it be....

Mini Reviews - Inglourious Basterds

Inglourious Basterds

In German-occupied France, Shosanna Dreyfus witnesses the execution of her family at the hand of Nazi Colonel Hans Landa. Shosanna narrowly escapes and flees to Paris, where she forges a new identity as the owner and operator of a cinema. Elsewhere in Europe, Lieutenant Aldo Raine organizes a group ... (read more) In German-occupied France, Shosanna Dreyfus witnesses the execution of her family at the hand of Nazi Colonel Hans Landa. Shosanna narrowly escapes and flees to Paris, where she forges a new identity as the owner and operator of a cinema. Elsewhere in Europe, Lieutenant Aldo Raine organizes a group of Jewish soldiers to engage in targeted acts of retribution. Known to their enemy as "The Basterds," Raine's squad joins German actress and undercover agent Bridget Von Hammersmark on a mission to take down the leaders of The Third Reich. Fates converge under a cinema marquee, where Shosanna is poised to carry out a revenge plan of her own...

Dude, everybody including film students like me admires Quentin Tarantino. As much as his works are examples of technical and filmmaking brilliance, he is not my favorite director. Pulp Fiction is his masterpiece and always will be, but his recent films, as different it turns out, are becoming slip-ups and deals with the same techniques and methods. It is no doubt that Tarantino's way with scriptwriting is astounding.There is something about his dialogues and writing that is so delicious. And it is great to listen to upon the first half. However, it becomes multiple displays of Tarantino's marvelous writing than it is of an actual narrative film. For such a simple plot, it takes a 20-30mins conversation scene dealing with whatever references Tarantino puts in to move one inch of a plot. And it doesn't become much of an enjoyment than rather of an endurance. For the people who doesn't know anything of Tarantino's, you'll be fooled if you come in thinking its an action film. It is 90% of talking while 10% of violence. And sure the violence is very top-notch, horrific and even funny, but there isn't enough. Even though the title is about the band of Nazi-bashing Jews, the film doesn't entirely focus on them as it glides over several key characters such as the cinema-owning Jew girl and the despicable deliciously-evil, Hans Landa aka The Jew Hunter. And you'll love hating the guts out of him. If you like action movies, avoid this. If you love movies with historical-accuracies, avoid this. Want a film with Tarantino back in the game, go ahead and see this.

3 and a half out of 5 stars

Mini Reviews - Zombieland

Zombieland

Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) has made a habit of running from what scares him. Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) doesn’t have fears. If he did, he’d kick their ever-living ass. In a world overrun by zombies, these two are perfectly evolved survivors. But now, they’re about to stare down the most terrifyin... (read more) Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) has made a habit of running from what scares him. Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) doesn't have fears. If he did, he'd kick their ever-living ass. In a world overrun by zombies, these two are perfectly evolved survivors. But now, they're about to stare down the most terrifying prospect of all: each other.

This would be been SO FREAKIN awesome if it had been a little bit longer and had alot more in it. 80 mins is still short. That is my opinion, but I'm glad for I have just got. The great thing about this zombie movie is that they inserted the right and unique brand of humor to experiment something new to this zombie genre. Each of the characters had a simple, but effective character development and the plotline is kind of loose, but quirky. I mean I didn't expect them to ride up to Bill Murray's house and the man himself stole the movie. But the kickassery of this film are the funny, but inventive zombie bashing with Woody whooping major zombie ass. Although the motive and idea of the amusement park chapter is gonna be questionable to other people. But hey, I had a great ride.

4 out of 5 stars

Mini Reviews - Fido

Fido

Timmy Robinson's best friend in the whole wide world is a six-foot tall rotting zombie named Fido. But when FIDO eats the next-door neighbor, Mom and Dad hit the roof, and Timmy has to go to the ends of the earth to keep Fido a part of the family. A boy-and-his-dog movie for grown ups, "FIDO" will r... (read more) Timmy Robinson's best friend in the whole wide world is a six-foot tall rotting zombie named Fido. But when FIDO eats the next-door neighbor, Mom and Dad hit the roof, and Timmy has to go to the ends of the earth to keep Fido a part of the family

This gets extra points for having a unique concept: a 50s family sitcom with zombie. And it really is the most safest and brightest zombie movie I have seen despite its less amount of violence and gore. The humor is depended on its deadpan and dry 50s setting and some time it is a hit and miss. Scots Funnyman Connolly did a good job being the lead zombie while others were on average. The plot does mimic 50s family sitcom, so expect some predictability and safeness. If you're a zombie fan, this is worth checking out.

3 and a half out of 5 stars

Mini Reviews - Sicko

Sicko

If you want to stay healthy in America, don't get sick. Following on the heels of his award winning hit "Fahrenheit 9/11" and his Oscar® winning film "Bowling for Columbine," acclaimed filmmaker Michael Moore's new documentary sets out to investigate the American healthcare system. Sticking to his t... (read more) If you want to stay healthy in America, don't get sick. Following on the heels of his award winning hit "Fahrenheit 9/11" and his Oscar® winning film "Bowling for Columbine," acclaimed filmmaker Michael Moore's new documentary sets out to investigate the American healthcare system. Sticking to his tried-and-true one-man approach, Moore sheds light on the complicated medical affairs of individuals and local communities.

It is questionable whether Michael Moore's films are a handful insight onto a topic or a biased propaganda. All that matters is that he gets people thinking. Touching on the important subject of the very broken heath care system in America, Moore chronicles the state of different types of peoples of different backgrounds and different countries dealing with their health insurance their country offers. As universal health care considered unfavorable by America as a socialist act, it really shows that is nothing more than profit and greed when comparing to other countries with universal health care that have their people living happy lives. And you'll say to yourself "why are they calling this an evil thing when it is the one thing making people live a better life?". Like what the film state from the beginning, its not about the people who don't have health insurance. Its about the people who have insurance but they are screwed anyway. And the sad stories of these people felt a little more authentic, but not staged. It'll raise your eyebrows when you'll find that the America hospitals are alot about money than saving lives.

4 out of 5 stars