Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 5 Worst

Welcome back to the countdown, as we are now halfway through my top ten worst movies of the decade.

The #5 worst movie of the decade:
Bratz (2007)

You think its best for kids to learn anything better from racial and social stereotypes. Especially any movie that disguised itself as a High School Musical copycat based on a weird toy franchise. Girls will know the goodness of friendship by showing off wonderful accessories and spouting out "BFFs". While Twilight teaches tween girls to date wooden and pussified fairy boys, this teaches them how to be totally superficial and spoiled in every way, how to be a certified brat.

Right from the start, you get to see all the things why we all hate these kind of popular girls. Especially the exaggerated and cartoonish representation of each race and social class. And no matter how poor or rich or proper or chaotic they are, they are always thinking about clothes and shoes. The film thinks its establishing the so different personalities of each one of these girls when we don't really see that much of their personality. And it becomes a galore of stereotypes and superficial fashion. Not to mention you have a much more bitchy school queen who segregates labels in the school like jocks and emos. I'm not a fan of High School Musical, but I had no problem listening to the music numbers as they were safe and bland. For this, their songs are very depressing. But the most painful thing to watch is Jon Voight. Oscar Winner Jon Voight... I don't know which respectable career is going down the sh*t drain: Jon Voight or Sir Ben Kingsley. Seriously Jon Voight, what the f*ck, are you that f*ckin poor to get a paycheck that you'll sell yourself for this or Baby Geniuses 2. Its got a very simple story yet its decorated with crappy random stuffs that no kid should suffer through.

The thing is the motive to produce this crappy film over an already superficial toy franchise was so unnecessary. Can believe Jon Voight got into two crappy feature films based of a toy franchises. Unlike one where it has a long history and a huge fanbase, this disappeared like last year's winter brand dress... (I don't know thats a girl's term)....

F*ckin Jon Voight... what the f*ck is he doing?

Tomorrow, I will reveal #4 worst movie of the 00s. What will it be....

Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 6 Worst

Welcome back to the countdown, continuing at the top ten worst movies of the decade.

The #6 worst movie of the decade:
The Love Guru (2008)

Mike Myers has had a little trouble getting back on his feet after his own run with the Austin Powers and Shrek movies. I mean what did he do in between? Cat In The Hat? So he kind of disappeared while providing the voice of the ultimate animated green cash cow until he finally came back in front of the camera for the Love Guru. Somehow it runs the premise and humor as Austin Powers and even had a few people over from the series too. Meaning like Austin Powers, it plays on the same penis, balls and fart jokes only people below 14 would love. Is this a win for the studio? Not by a long LONG shot.

When Austin Powers played its adult and revolting humor in all three movies, it can ranged from clever to completely hacked. It was a trial and error technique, but the series made up for its clever parodies of the James Bond franchise and the lovable and very funny characters such as Dr. Evil, Mini Me and Frau Farbissina. The Love Guru plays like Austin Powers' retarded cousin without the likeable characters and good humor. One after another, you slapped in the face every dick jokes they could possibly throw at you. Not one of them is funny. I mean there is a word called "variety". Do we get a variety of humor instead of a f*ckin dick joke? You come back in front of the camera just to give out dick jokes? F*ck you! Well ok there was a few variety in humor, taking a stab on Indian culture. And they have no shame in giving the most awful impression of Indian people and culture. And not forgetting there are alot more immature jokes in this film such as midget bashings and elephant sex. This film was so frustrating and such anger-inducing, that I kept thinking myself "I liked this guy for Austin Powers, why is he doing this?"

For this film, this could be a career suicide for Mr. Wayne, Dieter and Austin Powers. Even if it doesn't kill his career, this will stick out like a giant thorn on his butt. He has alot of thinking to do if he was to do nothing but dick jokes.

Tomorrow, I will reveal #5 worst movie of the 00s. What will it be....

Mini Reviews - Funny People

Funny People

Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen and Leslie Mann star in this seriously funny film from writer-director Judd Apatow (The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up). When famous comedian George Simmons (Sandler) is given a second chance at a new beginning, he and his assistant, a struggling comedian, Ira (Rogen), return to the places and people that matter most…including the stand-up spots that gave him his start and the girl that got away (Mann).

It is nice for a director to branch out to different areas and styles instead just being stuck to just one. Judd Apatow's first two movies served adult content for adult audience, while this becomes a little more mature and more on mature issues. It is great to have two different spectrum in the world of comedians: the light and the dark side. Adam Sandler still makes us feel we underestimate him as he gives a genuine and dark performance of a character with many flawed characteristics. The film still brought up the typical Apatow humor with the same feature actors, which is still great. But its very thoughtful to give that added dimension to the adult comedy.

4 out of 5 stars

Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 7 Worst

Welcome back to the countdown, continuing at the top ten worst movies of the decade.

The #7 worst movie of the decade:
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)

What kind of name is McG? If he was a rapper, it would be fine. But as a director, is he too good to have a full name for the credits? I wouldn't be too trusting for a movie directed by someone named after a hamburger. So when he touched on one of my favorites movie franchises, I was very nervous about it. I mean McG's Terminator was... ok... But who wouldn't get nervous when you just saw Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle?

The first film was, in a way, fun. Sure it ripped off certain movies that was very popular at the time, but was enjoyable as it was completely dumb. Somehow McG took out the "enjoyable" in the this film, as he added a lot more dumbness. As the saying goes, "Making it bigger doesn't make it better". It didn't work for one film this year. It is a fine line where you have to bring out the logic and where you bring in the logic. It would have been ok if there were one or two things that were illogical, but this film brought up such a ridiculous amount of nonsense it was just insulting. So its saying that these angels were brought up like super soldiers with all the super advanced military training and intelligence known to man. Why does they just fight in the army and find Osama Bin Laden? Seriously I felt very insulted and ripped off. The angels were to be smart and strong women, but I still get the feeling they're still dumb bimbos. Not to mention they are not nice to look at. The story is so dumb, its not worthy of a dumb action flick. And the action sequences were short and unsatisfying. I paid money for this on the big screen and this is all I got?! F*ck McG and this movie.

Even though Terminator: Salvation amped up a notch on my trust to McG... (I still hate his name), its gonna take me alot more good movies of his to warm up to him. And seriously no more Charlie's Angels movies... And you call this Demi Moore's comeback?

Tomorrow, I will reveal #6 worst movie of the 00s. What will it be....

Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 8 Worst

Welcome back to the countdown, continuing at the top ten worst movies of the decade.

The #8 worst movie of the decade:
Snakes On a Plane (2006)

If you were the head of the marketing department, how would you market a movie with a gold concept of a plane.... filled it with snakes? Mega-hype it on the Internet and show a clip of Samuel "Muthaf*ckin" Jackson tells how he feels having snakes on a plane. Since its concept were brought up onto the limelight of the Internet, it seems that everyone became crazy over a concept that as simple as that. Were we promised somet kickass and fun time like what the producers hyped up? Yeah. And what did it delivered? Total lameness and one boobage.

I like bad movies when they are fun and enjoyable, but this has the making of a fun bad movie and yet I never enjoyed it. And really, the one thing that brought down the movie was the concept that drove the hype itself. Its like they wrote nouns and words on many pieces of paper, put them all in a hat and pull out the two to make that significant concept. Yet they even bothered to give a reasonable motive and background around this concept. Seriously the bad guys want to pull a hit on a federal-protected witness. So instead doing it clean and untraceable like sending someone to kill, they have to make this kill completely messy and noisy. Once the gimmick set out, it just fades away so quickly like any other gimmick and we are forced to see annoying and unlikable characters deal with this mess. The film's concept tried to have some fun ideas, but they are all seem predictable and just lame. I mean snake bites penis and snake bites nipples and snake bites fat women, these writers have a mind of a 8 year old. And at the end, we are treated to a cliched ending and a way cliched music video.

It would have done its part by just having a straight-to-DVD treatment, but no. People were so hyped for this film and its simple, yet ridiculous concept and all felt completely rip off, for a concept unworthy of a hype. You let us down snakes!

Tomorrow, I will reveal #7 worst movie of the 00s. What will it be....

Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 9 Worst

Welcome back to the countdown, initially at the top ten worst movies of the decade.

The #9 worst movie of the decade:
Catwoman (2004)

Why would a measly little sh*tty superhero movie like this be considered to be one of the top ten worst films of the decade? Not only its a complete crapfest, it is also hazardous to your health. Seriously if you are thinking of watching Catwoman, you better take caution and have your doctor on speed dial. While other bad movies hurts the brain and the eyes, this one REALLY damages your eyes as the film's camera is filled up on LCD and takes thousands of shots at every angle at non-stop dizzying nauseous heights. About half-way though, I couldn't take it anymore because my eyes (honest be told) were in excruciating pain and I couldn't take one sitting for this film. I had to finish the film three days later after an intense resting. Good thing I watched this on a small screen because if it was a big screen, I'll lose my f*ckin mind.

Even though Batman is the king of all superheroes in print and film, he still have to live with the painful memories of its dark stains: Batman Forever and Batman And Robin and now this has to be added to the pile. Catwoman is one of everybody's favorite Batman villains/anti-hero and one of the sexiest femme fatales in the Batman franchise next to Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. And really it is not at all hard to actually make a solo Catwoman movie that is not canon with the Batman series or doesn't even mention Batman, but somehow they managed to f*ck that up. Right after Halle Berry showed off her sexy body in Swordfish and won an Oscar for Monster's Ball, she became a hot item for Hollywood and so it was logic by the producers that she would be cast as the title character. However this would be the beginning of her seemingly-endless strings of crap, starting with this one. Her portrayal was somehow unlikable in both the before and after transformation. Her true identity was way wimpier than of Michelle Pfeiffer's, while her costumed ego lacked the ferociousness and power that was greatly portrayed... again by Michelle Pfeiffer's. Not to mention the villain she's fighting is a bad example of every vainful milfs in the world... played by.... ugghh Sharon Stone. I mean what has happened to her? She was Mrs. Legs Wide Open and now landed herself in crap pile like this. Her next crap is being Mrs. Legs Wide Open again.

The film tries so hard to be edgy, cool and in-your-face with its action sequences and fancy editing, only to be gravely backfired as they became bland and painful. Its special effects and CG animations has got to be one of the most horrendous, cheap and actually funniest I have seen in a big-budget comic book movie. Its funny and ironic that she received an Oscar for Best Actress one year and the next she received a Razzie for Worst Actress. Though she was a good sport about this. There is nothing to be happy about being part of this pathetic excuse of a super-hero movie.

Tomorrow, I will reveal #8 worst movie of the 00s. What will it be....

Jordan Marquez Presents: The Top Ten Best And Worst of The Decade 00s - Number 10 Worst

Time flows by very fast. We are at December of 2009 and we are nearly at the end of the decade. What a decade has it been. We started off worrying about the end of civilization with the Millennium prophecy only to end up worrying about the 2012 prophecy. In turn we have movies that were more of sequels, remakes, adaptations and reboots. Some turn out for the best and some were just plain sh*t. But it wasn't all about that as there were plenty of fresh and original works to be projected on to the big screen.

So for each day, I will be counting down starting from the number 10 worst to the number 1 worst of the decade to the number 10 best to the number 1 best of the decade. Some may surprise you and some may not, but keep in mine they are according to my opinions and my experiences. This is not the ultimate end-of-all list, this is just the best and worst according to me. Your opinions and comments are welcome.

So lets start with the WORST list. Before we start off, here are the honorable mentions for the Worst of the Decade 00s:

Battlefield Earth
Basic Instinct 2
The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas
I Know Who Killed Me
Malibu's Most Wanted
Gigli
Son of the Mask
The Wicker Man (Didn't make it because it was too funny)
Norbit
The Hottie And The Nottie
Moulin Rogue (And I stand what I think of that piece of crap)
Planet of the Apes
And many more I forgot to mention

And so....

The #10 worst movie of the decade:
Twilight (2008)

Whether side you're on, it has created such a frenzy phenomenon of crazed fans and angry fans debating what is considered good movie taste and mediocrity. No doubt that it does send a bad message to its audience about love, women and relationship and for the non-Twilight fans who were curious about the series were forced to endure the never-ending staring, pausing and glaring of every character. For most, they are not sure why Edward Cullen is such a handsome stud of a character and why Bella should be the ideal woman every man should date.

Probably the major flaw with the film is the inclusion of the vampire/werewolves mythos. It seem pointless and unnecessary to even hint once that these dark and mysterious brooding creatures are vampires. If these creatures were entirely new and different, it would have been to the author's credit of her creativity and imagination. But no, Meyers just have to present and reinterpret vampires without even a slight of passion for the mythos. It is one thing to re-imagine vampires or werewolves, but not honoring the mythos is a whole different thing. And since 90% of everyone depends on the traditional mythos, it will leave a bad taste in mouth for most. Not to mention it pissed me off so much of how Edward is such the ideal man for girls. The fact he's fast, strong, handsome, sparkles like diamonds and f*ckin plays the piano.... its a kick in the balls for every man. The story is boring and dull, the characters are not even likable and as an extra, it humiliates the genre monsters we all grew up on.

The sequel and its upcoming films may be worse than this, but this is the start of mediocre sh*t. Be glad that this is not actually number 1 because I have seen A LOT worse than this. However this is to me so deserving a spot on the top ten of worst movies of the decade.

Tomorrow, I will reveal #9 worst movie of the 00s. What will it be....